Rice Twilit Akatsuki
by Twilitassassin13
Summary: Okay this is what happens when you mix messaging my best friend, sugar, and Akatsuki. Chaos. Please review! Next chap written by hollyberry15- RICE! Discontinued.
1. Chapter 1

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I own myself, but not Rice- hollyberry15- or the Akatsuki. But, with luck, I can still torture Itachi, Sakura and Sasuke… Aforementioned ninja- RUN DAMMIT!!!

"What the hell?!" Hidan screams. He had been peacefully stabbing himself repeatedly when two girls- one tall as Deidara with black ninja clothes and brown hair shoulder-length with glasses, the other short as Dein (A/N- Haha, that's my friend Rice, the chibi), human-path Pein- with shoulder-length brown hair, up in a ponytail, and glasses, wearing similar clothes, minus the crescent-moon pendant the taller one was wearing, fell onto him and got up, dazed.

Rice and Twilit. Not in that order. Reverse them and you have the psychopath and the chibi.

"Who the fuck are you, what are you two motherfuckers doing, and WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WALKING AWAY?!" Rice looks back and waves.

"Nice to see you too, Hidan!"

"…Dude. WHAT THE FUCK?!"

The two girls walk into the Akatsuki's main room as if they own the place.

"Hi, I'm Twilit(assassin13) and this is Rice-"

"hollyberry15-"

"But she prefers Rice."

"NO I DON'T!"

Itachi, Tobi, Kakuzu and Sasori just stare at us. Hidan runs into the room.

"Two fucking teenagers just infiltrated our effing base! We've got to find the basta- Oh great, they're here. Hell, just my luck."

The two girls ignore him, turning to the Akatsuki. Tobi immediately runs to them.

"Hi my name is Tobi and do you think Tobi is a good boy?" he asks in a rush, using only one breath.

Rice responds with a yes.

Twilit responds with a no and hands him a lollipop, laughing as he tries to eat it without removing his mask. Deidara comes in and watches, laughing too.

"Tobi, lift up your mask," Rice explains patiently, watching as the mask is lifted a centimeter, allowing the man with the mind of a 5-year-old to suck on the lollipop. Deidara and Twilit glare at Rice.

"I was having fun watching that!" the clay artist and the fanfic author exclaim. Itachi responds with a classic comment:

"No comment."

(A/N- Inside joke of Rice, my two little sisters- The Chibi Robot Overlord and The Chibi Robot Vice President- and I's. Long story. That, is actually pretty simple.)

Kakuzu and Sasori just sigh, but Sasori adds,

"Oh great. Just what we need. Another Deidara."

In response:

Deidara and Twilit- "ART IS A BANG! UN!"

Sasori walks away, mumbling death threats under his breath. Deidara and Twilit grin and high-five each other.

FIRST CHAP DONE! NEXT ONE- RICE'S CHAP! (she writes it) PLEASE REVIEW!


	2. YAY SUGARZ!

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I do not own Naruto or Rice or the TV shows mentioned. Rice, if you're trying to keep me from sugar, don't try. I always get my sugar!!!

"OH MY GOD! SHE GOT AHOLD OF THE SUGAR!" Rice screams, running from where Twilit and Tobi are breaking random stuff then vibrating.

"You have a problem," Kakuzu says dryly, stealing the sugar from the two T's.

"Nowedon'tKuzuwejustlikesugarblameRicesheletmenearthesugar!!!!" Twilit exclaims, spinning around on the floor like Cheese on that one episode of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, the Big Cheese.

"I did not!" Rice protests.

"Kisame and Deidara let her have it to see what happened! When they left she gave some Monster to Tobi!"

"…To recap, it's not my fault." Rice concludes.

"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY COLORS?!" Tobi sobs suddenly, acting emo like a certain weasel.

"…And Itachi gave him his pills in the hope that they would kill him." Rice reports, deeply disturbed.

"…Yeah." Kakuzu sighs, not bothering to follow when Twilit starts screaming about buried treasure as she plops a Cap'n Ginny hat on Tobi's head.

They run off to annoy random Akatsuki.

"HIDAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA CONVERT TO JASHINISM!" Twilit screams, running through the door and leaving a hole that fits her exactly.

"TOBI DOES TOO CUZ JASHIN'S A GOOD GOD!" (LOL, that's from Akatsuki Plus Normal Girl Equals chap 2!)

"What? You motherfuckers want to join my fucking religion?" Hidan asks, lifting his head and peering over the huge knife in his chest.

"YES!!! YES TOBI AND TWILIT DO!" the two scream, laughing.

"Can I play with this, Ms. Vampress?" Twilit giggles, yanking the knife out with a yell and pouring in iodine, thinking to help the bleeding man.

"HOLY SHIT! YOU LITTLE WHORE, THAT FUCKING HURT! GET THE FUCK- HOLY SHIT! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE STITCHES YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER!" Hidan screams loudly at the girl.

Tobi and Twilit run out, laughing hysterically, leaving Hidan on the floor with deserted needles and threads on the floor next to the zealot.

"HEY DANNA!"

"What?"

"ART IS A BANG UN!" Twilit imitates, yelling in Sasori's ear.

"Get. Off. Me."

"You want to know what else, Sasori-sama?" Tobi chirps.

"Get out."

"This is what else- YO FACE!" Tobi titters.

"Hey Sasori! You lack h**vos!" Twilit yells, remembering George Lopez. Or rather, his mommy, Benny.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Sasori yells, goaded beyond endurance. The Two T's run out and notice a bowl of white, crystalline gold.

"YAYZ! SUGAH!" Twilit screams. They don't notice the box over it, blindly dashing to get to the treat.

"Got you!" Rice sniggers, crawling over to the box. Kakuzu looks on with amusement.

"Hey! Gimme the sugar! Lemme out!" Twilit demands. Tobi mood swings and starts batting the side of the box playfully.

"Not until you calm down, and you guys just lost you sugar privileges."

Twilit collapses and then speaks in a calm voice.

"Chibi, can you let me out? I want to work on my adobe Photoshop for Sasori."

Rice lets her out and Twilit works quietly on the computer for about two seconds until her short attention span forces her out of the program walks her to her room.

Twilit lifts the cover up from the foot of her bed and reveals huge sacks of sugar.

"Ha, as if I lost my sugar privileges," she snickers, scooping up some sugar in her hand and popping it into her mouth.

"HEY CHIBI!" she shouts as she covers her sugar hoard.

"I'M STILL HYPER! YAY SUGAR!!!"


	3. Evil Sasori!

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

Yay! My friend finally updated!!

Okay. I don't own Naruto or any songs or bands. And, I DO own a bowl of sugar. Please, message Rice at her profile hollyberry15. Make sure to call her Rice, tell her Midna or Twilitassassin13 told you to.

"DAMMIT SASORI! GIVE ME BACK MY COPIES OF METEORA AND MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT AND ONE-X!!"

"Not unless you admit my art's better, Twilit," he says, holding up Twilit's copy of the Linkin Park and Three Days Grace albums.

"Aw, come on! My theme songs are on those!!"

"…Theme…Songs…"

Twilit sighs.

"Yes Sasori, Riot, Animal I Have Become, Given Up, Hit the Floor, On My Own, and Breaking the Habit. Now give me!"

Sasori leans down, about to drop the CDs into Twilit's waiting hands. He grins at the last second and straightens.

"Uh-uh-uh, Twilit, it's not that easy," Sasori smirks from the tall rock he's perched on.

"JASHINDAMMIT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! GIVE… ME… THE… FUCKING… CD'S!!"

He jumps down.

"Sure. One thing."

"What is it, you bastard?" Twilit growls at the redhead. The brunette and redhead stare each other down.

"What now, marionette?"

"…

…

…

Okay. Since you seem so eager to get these back, I'll make it quick.

Hmmm… Let me see…" He ponders for a moment.

"Ah, got it. You have to… _BREAK THESE_."

Twilit gasps.

"Holy fuck! I have to break them? How's about I break you,

hard-ass!!" she screams.

Too much time near Hidan.

"Here you go," Sasori says, smiling sadistically. Twilit opens the cases and gazes at them.

With a whimper, she smashes them against the rock.

"S-Sasori…" she says, crying.

"What?"

"Those were your Metallica CDs!" she grins.

Sasori looks at her with comprehension.

"Paint. And besides, I have the albums on my iPod. Why would I need them in a disc?" she snickers.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" Sasori screams. He chases her until she hides behind Chibi.

"Hide me, Rice! He's committing crimes against our favorite bands!! He wanted me to smash your Linkin Park and Three Days Grace CDs!"

"…Those were your cases?"

"Those were your CD's?"

"Yup."

"Yeah." They turn to the tall girl.

"Twilitassassin13. GET BACK HERE!!" Rice screams as she runs.

Deidara looks up as Twilit smashes open the door to his room.

"Deidara, being a fellow artist, can you hide me from a ticked-off Chibi and Sasori?" she asks calmly.

He shrugs.

"Sure, un. Hide behind that sculpture."

Twilit dashes over to the sculpture as Rice runs in.

"Deidara, have you seen Twilit?" she growls, quivering with anger.

"No, but I think she was playing with Tobi, un." Deidara lies, looking down to the clay in his hands.

"Thanks!" she calls, running to Tobi's room.

Twilit crawls out from the sculpture.

"What did Sasori do?"

"He wanted me to admit your art was worse then his and mine," she says smoothly.

"…Wanna kill him, un?"

"FUCK YEAH!!"

"Deidara, Twilit, no killing other members. And no maiming, either," Pein commands.

"Please, Sir Leader?"

"No."

"…Fine…"

"When Leader's asleep," Deidra whispers. Twilit grins.

Don't get me wrong, I love Metallica and Sasori. They're awesome.

Plaese pregress to Chibi's profile for the next chapter! Thanks you! Please R&R on both of our sides! Un!


	4. Chuck E Cheese's and Teaching

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I don't own Naruto or Rice or Chuck E Cheese or STUFFS!!! And Tobi isn't a good boy!

Tobi- *Sniffle* Tobi IS a good boy! *cries*

"Guys, come to my office now," Pein said, appearing in person for once. Twilit looks up from the book Rice was reading over her shoulder, yanking it up so poor Chibi can't see.

"Fine," Twilit sigh, stealing Rice's glasses to make her come.

"Gimme my glasses!" Rice demands. Twilit smirks superiorityly-esqe and hands her the glasses.

"Twilit… You have absolutely no medical knowledge, do you?" Pein asks irately once they all sit. Twilit frowns.

"I at least know that the hipbone is connecter to the arm-bone!!" Twilit say indignantly. Rice leans over.

"It's the leg bone."

"Uh… I, uh, know how to apply a Band-aid… And that you should clean the wound and put healing crap on the owie!"

Pein sighs at the medical terms.

"You have no experience whatsoever do you." he demands.

"None, I'm not a Medical nin. I'm a weapons, killing torture nin. Who likes swords and poison." Twilit says slowly, thinking,

'_HOLY FUCK I'M GONNA BE KICKED OUT OF AKATSUKI!!_'

"Rice, teach Twilit how to use a Healing Jutsu. When that's done, we're going camping." With the assignment done, he disappears to play baseball with Kein and Dein.

"Twilit, are you a quick learner?" Rice asks, her right eye twitching.

"Yes I am Chibi!!" Twilit proclaims proudly.

Rice relaxes. '_Maybe this won't be so hard_.'

-30 Minutes of Convincing Hidan Later-

"Why the hell am I doing this again?" Hidan asks, making a gash in his chest for Twilit to practice on.

(Rice is gonna kill me for writing this. She's a Tobi and Hidan fan girl!!)

"'Cause you're Rice's boooyyyyffrrriiiieeeeennnnddd," Twilit croons, stretching out the word much more than needed.

"Shut up Twilit!" Rice snaps.

"You know how to manipulate the Chakra?" Twilit nods and gets ready.

A slight green light (Rhymy, XD) envelops Twilit's hands as the gash seals up.

"Wow. You are a quick learner," Rice says, astounded.

"Wow, you're a fucking good teacher," Hidan compliments Chibi.

"Rice and Hidan sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. And hiding in a bush and F-U-C-K-I-N-G!" Twilit cackles, running into the living room.

"HEY PEIN!! WE WANNA GO CAMPING!!!" Twilit yells in the middle of the living room, startling everyone who hadn't heard her come in and saving herself from the wrath of The Chibinator.

"Did you learn how to Heal?" Pein asks, unconvinced.

"Yes I did!!" she demonstrates by grabbing Itachi and shoving a kunai through his foot.

"HOLY FUCK!!" he screams, surprised. Twilit yanks the kunai out, grins angelically, and seals the gaping hole.

"Nice," Pein says briefly.

"It's raining out. We're going to Chuck E Cheese's tonight."

Tobi, Sasori, Twilit, and Itachi cheer loudly and run out the door, pausing only to grab an umbrella for each of them.

The other Akatsuki sigh and pile into the four cars they own.

"I'M DRIVING!!" Twilit screams, taking the wheel of a sleek black Ferrari.

"You're not even sixteen!" Rice shouts, absolutely terrified by such a prospect of the perpetually-sugar-highed Twilit driving.

With people in the car.

In a heavily populated area.

With rain pouring down.

Twilit merely laughs and slams the door, sticking the key in the ignition.

"Twilit, do you want me to teach you to drive?" Sasori asks quietly.

Twilit grins. "Hello. Steering wheel," she says, pointing at the round wheel.

"Pedal, brake," she says, buckling her seatbelt and motioning for the others to follow her suit.

"Though I'm only gonna be using one part, ten guesses to which," she smiles, stepping on the gas.

---Twenty-Seven Pedestrians, Twelve Red Lights, Two Car Crashes and Seven Minutes Later---

The Akatsuki piled into Twilit's car gasp and kiss the ground.

"Sweet ground, how I've missed thee!" Sasori gasps breathlessly, trembling violently. Twilit steps out of the car and steps nimbly to the ground.

"That was fun! Let's do it again!!" Twilit cheers, causing everyone one, from the green-faced Chibi to the pale Itachi to glare at her.

She runs into the bright lights of the Chuck E Cheese's lobby, waiting for the other Akatsuki to come. They come about two minutes later and look at the shaking Akatsuki.

"Twilit." they sigh. They walk into the lobby too and see Twilit and Deidara battling via Dance Dance Revolution.

"Come on… Give up, un!" Deidara says, grinning. He has the upper hand. Twilit smirks and trips him, causing him to fall and lose.

"Sorry Deidei, but I'm the winner!" she smiles. He gapes at her, disbelieving.

"Yo-You cheated!!" he gasps.

"So? The Akatsuki cheat." The others nod agreement. Deidara grudgingly hands over 50 tickets, which Twilit exchanges for 7 packs of Pixy Sticks.

"Hey Rice," Twilit says with a familiar gleam in her eye.

"You had sugar, didn't you, Twilit," she sighs. Twilit holds out the Pixy Sticks.

"Cause every kid can't afford crack!" she says with a goofy grin. Hidan sighs.

"Leave us alone Twilit," he says without a swear.

"Oh… You guys gonna fuck each other?" she ask with a sly smirk.

Hidan gets out his scythe and Rice grabs her blades.

"Okay I'm going!!" she exclaims.

"HEY LEADER WANNA PLAY SKEEBALL?!" Twilit yells, starling every patron. He sighs and motions for the Akatsuki to follow him out due to an employee asking them to leave. They glare at Twilit, who was grasping even more Pixy-Sticks. About 14 packages of them.

"Ooh! Ooh!! Can I drive?!"

"NO!!"

Please R&R, annoy Rice, and go to hollyberry15's profile for the next installment of this crackfic!!


	5. Random Explantions

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I don't own Naruto or Rice, who's new nickname is now Leprechaun!!

And Rice, since I'm talking about you, use a spellchecker!!!!

Twilit was killing the CPUs in Mario Kart Wii (Since Rice refused to play with her due to Twilit's "I'm going to win so don't even try" attitude) again, for the tenth time when Hidan tapped Rice on her shoulder. She woke up with a start.

"HOLY HELL!! What happened? Is there an attack?!" Leprechaun yells, hearing the screech of the tires and Twilit's cackling as Twilit killing the whole Akatsuki with her awesome driving skillz.

"Fucking idiot you are, Chibi. Pein wants to see you," Hidan snorts, throwing his scythe through the TV to gain Twilit's attention.

"OMFJ I WAS HAVING FUN WITH THAT SHIT!!"

Translation- Oh my fucking Jashin why'd you do that?! I'm gonna pull out your spleen and have fun doing it!!

Aren't they just charming?

"Leader wants to see us," Rice explains, pulling the fuming girl to her feet.

"Fine, but you'll pay." Twilit calls to Hidan.

Twilit and Rice walk in silence.

"You're going to need to hold off on fucking Hidan for a few when I'm done with him," she growls.

"I DO NOT FUCK HIDAN!"

"Why does he always come in your room everyone night then?"

"…"

"PROOF!!"

"Just because I didn't answer means I have sex with him."

"…Yeah it does."

"Shut up Twilit."

They throw open the door to Leader's office, which as Rice mentioned, very black.

Leader motions for Leprechaun and Twilit to sit.

"Rice, Twilit-"

"Her name's Leprechaun now."

"Really? That true, Rice?"

"NO, MY NAME IS NOT LEPRECHAUN!"

"Fine," Pein sighs.

"Rice and Twilit, do you know what you were doing before you um, appeared in our hideout?"

Twilit takes the opportunity to fill Pein in.

"Well, Rice was over at my house and we were listening to Three Days Grace. We were hitting each other with our shoes and the pillows in my room 'cause Rice doesn't like to be called a Tobi and Hidan fangirl-"

"Which I'm not-" Rice interjects.

"Oh great, a fangirl is living with us." Pein sighs and motions for Twilit to continue.

"I was looking for Super Smash Bros Brawl and Rice was putting her left shoe back on. Then, I got dizzy and collapsed while Rice and I were discussing cybering n00bs on Gaia. We hate cybering n00bs."

"Twilit's saying the truth."

"Then when we got up, we were on top of Hidan in ninja clothes and I was wearing a necklace."

"I got dizzy after Twilit collapsed and then I saw this weird mist coming from the door so…" Rice trails off, filling in a missing part of the story.

"Then we were here," they say in unison.

Pein's eye twitches.

"So, you two collapsed and were warped here by fog?"

"Yes," Twilit grins.

Pein shakes his head.

"Well. I have no idea to get you guys back to where you came from. You're a permanent part of Akatsuki now. Congrats."

Twilit jumps up and down, clapping her hands, but trips and hits her head.

Rice shrugs and helps Twilit up, muttering about her being a klutz when excited.

Pein groans and hands them their cloaks and rings and awesome hats.

Twilit's ring says 'Energy'. Yup, perfectly suited to her.

Rice's ring says 'Calm.' It fits her.

Twilit runs out to the living room, jabbering to Tobi about being accepted. Sasori shakes his head and turns up his Metallica CD Ride the Lighting (recently purchased from when Twilit destroyed them.), listening to Trapped Under Ice.

Then Hidan catches her eye and she slowly gets up, pouncing to where she thinks his kidney is, and buries a kunai in it. He starts swearing and trying to kill her.

Rice shakes her head and Heals the Jashinist.

"Can't wait for tonight," he whispers in her ear. Rice slaps him.

"Shut up, Twilit may hear," she cautions.

"What?" Twilit calls from her laptop, Gaia prominently displayed.

"Nothing," they call.


	6. Waking Up: Chaos in the Morning

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I doesn't own: Rice (WHO ISH A LEPRECHAUN) the Akatsuki (THEY PWN) Linkin Park or Metallica(AWESOME) or other random crap. I own me though. Please review, few people who read it!!

"I DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIDAN!" Rice yelled. Everyone heard Twilit laughing as she annoyed her friend.

"Then why was he using you as a pillow?" she teases.

"Deidara was using you as a pillow, I seem to recall."

"Huh, slipped my mind. WELL IT CAN'T BE PROVEN!!" Twilit yells. Rice slapped her forehead and stomped to her room.

The Akatsuki appeared in their doorways. They don't like being woken up at 12:05 in the morning after an exhausting day at the beach.

Twilit dragged herself to her room as Deidara collapsed on the floor, too lazy to make it to his room. Hidan tripped over him and started sleeping. Rice fell onto her bed and didn't bother to put on her pajamas.

---Skip to when Tobi Annoys Everyone to Wake Up---

"Twilit wake up!" Tobi said, shaking her shoulder. She was the last one to get up.

"No Tobi I don't want to wake up at FUCKING SIX IN THE MORNING."

"But it's not six Twilit-san! It's one in the afternoon!"

"Ugh. Let me sleep until seven and I'll get up."

Twilit reached for her iPod to drown him out. However, she started sleeping before she could turn it on.

Tobi sees this and starts cycling through the menus until he sees Artists. He clicks on this and chooses Linkin Park- Hybrid Theory.

Tobi started blasting one of the loudest Linkin Park songs in existence.

Chester Bennington starts the song, Mike Shinoda following close behind.

_From the top to the bottom!_

_Bottom to top I stop_

_At the core I've forgotten!_

_In the middle of my thoughts_

_Taken far from my safety_

_The picture is there!_

_The memory won't escape me_

_But why should I care?!_

Forgotten blares from the speakers, which Tobi accidentally turned up loud.

"TOBI I'M GONNA CASTRATE YOU!!" Twilit screams, sitting up quickly and turning her head fast enough that a normal person would get whiplash. (A/N- Actin' like a maniac! WHIPLASH!!)

"BUT TOBI NEEDED TO WAKE UP TWILIT! TOBI DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!"

"YOU FUCKING BLAST OUT MY EAR DRUMS YOU BASTARD AND CALL THAT NOTHING?!"

"CHIBI SENPAI! SAVE TOBI!" Tobi screams as a kunai misses him-barely- and jumps into Rice's lap.

"WTF did you do Twilit?" Rice demands, sipping her coffee.

"HE MADE ME DEAF!!" Deidara comes behind her and slaps the back of his hand over his mouth.

"Does that mean you have to make us deaf, yeah?" Deidara asks tiredly.

Though the response was muffled and sounded like "FMS!!" it was clearly a yes.

Deidara presses his hand tighter over his mouth, then releases it with a yelp, shaking it.

"What is it brat?" Sasori asks with vague amusement.

"SHE BIT ME!" Deidara yells, pointing at the suddenly oh-so-innocent Twilit, who was nibbling a muffin. She gave Sasori puppy eyes.

"I don't think so, brat. She's so innocent-looking," Sasori says with finality ringing in his voice.

"Yeah, Deidara-san. Why would I bite you?" Twilit asks, trying to look quiet and calm.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE TWILIT!!" he shouts at her, pointing his finger at her.

Twilit starts sniffling.

"Faker," Rice mutters. She ignores Twilit.

"You okay Tobi?" Rice asks. She puts her hand to the side of his face, where the kunai hit.

Rice Heals Tobi's cheek. He jumps off her lap and hugs her.

"Thanks Chibi-senpai!!" he says cheerfully. Rice turns slightly red when Hidan comes over and offers her… A MUFFIN (OF DOOM)!!

"There's gonna be a threesome in Rice's bed tonight!" Twilit cackles, abandoning the innocence act.

"SHUT UP TWILIT!!"


	7. Misunderstanding

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

Once again- Don't own Rice, the Akatsuki, or… I forgot what else I don't own, whatever. Please review!

Rice and Hidan stumbled out from Rice's room, looking kind of sleepy. They were smiling broadly until they saw who was right across from them:

Twilit, in the perfect _I Caught You!! _pose.

Leaning against the wall: Check.

Arms folded: Yeah, check.

Smirk of Victory: Complete.

She grins and opens her mouth.

"I hope you two are using protection!" she gasps, doubling over laughing.

Hidan's scythe lands one inch from her ear. She pales and straightens up, still grinning.

"HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT?! HIDAN AND RICE ARE FUCKING EACH OTHER!!" Twilit screams, running into the dining room, where the others are eating their breakfast.

Deidara hides his laughter behind his toast. Sasori rolls his eyes. Pein and Konan… Weren't there. Everyone knew what they were doing though. Tobi drops his chocolate milk and covers his ears. Kakuzu has the O.o face on. Itachi (recovered from when Rice nearly killed him) shakes his head and opens the paper. Kisame spits out his coffee. Zetsu ignores them all and continues gnawing on his steak. Hidan was livid and swearing under his breath. Rice was mortified beyond belief. Twilit was laughing her ass off.

"TWILIT WHAT THE HELL?!" Rice yells finally.

"You came out of your room, Rice. Where you on top or bottom?!" Twilit gasps, wiping her eyes.

Rice blushes redder-er and screams, "We did not have sex Twilit!!" at the taller, more annoying girl.

"Yeah right, my ass!!" she giggles. Deidara starts calming down from behind his Toast of Awesomeness.

"Twilit," Rice and Hidan say, strangely calm, "I am going to kill you."

Twilit just smirks and turns around to make herself some chocolate milk. She was reaching up to grab a cup when Hidan's scythe slammed into her back. Twilit shrugged, yanked it out and Healed the gash. She tears off a bit of paper towel to wipe the blood from her mouth.

"Not the best choice," she says lightly, stirring the milk and chocolate concoction. She turns around and faces them, sipping the drink and leaning nonchalantly against the counter.

"What the fuck that was supposed to kill that bitch!!" Hidan exclaims to Rice.

Twilit smiles.

"You missed my spinal chord by an inch, dumbass. And yeah, it may have killed me, but paralysis is more likely. Duh," she snorts.

"Besides, if you want to kill me, aim for an artery or something," she grins.

"Twilit do you have a death wish? You just told Hidan where to hit to kill you!" Rice says.

Twilit just shrugs and throws the empty cup in the sink.

"…Oooh, Leader's gonna be angry when I tell him this, un," Deidara grins, walking into the living room. Rice runs after Deidara.

"You tell on Hidan and I'll tell everyone what else you do with your hands," Rice threatens.

Deidara blanches and drops the phone.

"Okay, un," he says meekly, looking down. Hidan and Twilit were arguing in the kitchen. Everyone except Kakuzu, Sasori, and Kisame left. Sasori was grinning, Kakuzu had the 'My Partner's an Idiot' look, and Kisame was laughing his ass off.

"You're a baka Hidan. You don't know where to strike to kill?!"

"Of course I fucking do bitch!!"

Rice hits her forehead against the doorway and Deidara strides up to get in Hidan's face.

"Don't you fucking yell at my girlfriend, yeah!!" he yells indignantly.

Time for an awkward silence.

"Deidara, we're not dating," Twilit says, blushing faintly.

"Must have been a dream," Deidara says, smiling.

"I was sleeping on you…" he continues, looking confuzzled.

"…"

"I mean my teammate… Yeah," Deidara corrects quickly.

Twilit rolls her eyes.

"Now, Twilit. Why the hell do you think Hidan and I were having sex?"

"'Cause I had sugar-"

"The base of this was sugar?!"

"YES!! Don't interrupt!! And you always go in his room or he goes in yours and you looked satisfied-"

Sasori falls off his chair from laughing, Deidara's on the floor, and Kisame's doubled over. Even Kakuzu's smirking.

Twilit realizes what she said and starts screaming "LMAO!!" while laughing.

Rice yanks her upward.

"And you looked sleepy," she finishes sweetly.

Hidan sighs.

"Bitch, we were fucking playing video games. And Chibi wanted me to fucking get a strategy for a mission the fuckface Leader assigned us too." Hidan shakes his head.

"Bishounen," Rice mutters.

"Um… Okay then. Sorry I guess," Twilit says, reaching for the sugar bowl.

Deidara and Twilit walk of nonchalantly to discuss art. At least that's what they said.

---A Few Minutes Later---

"We're home!" Konan calls.

"Anyone kill anyone?" Pein asks, entering the base with his arms full of groceries.

"No," Hidan says.

"Just nearly." Rice says.

Konan moves toward the fridge without a word. Pein sighs and goes to the pantry to put the groceries in.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Pein screeches. Hidan, Rice, and Konan run to the pantry where Deidara and Twilit were exiting quietly.

"I found them making out," Pein explains flatly, glaring at them. He turns to Konan.

"I'm traumatized, Konan," he says dramatically with wide eyes. Konan grins and tows him toward his room.

Rice smirks.

"Not a word, Rice." Twilit warns, glaring at her friend.


	8. Movie Night

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

As usual, I don't own Rice, the Akatsuki, Stormbreaker or the Alex Riders series, or anything else mentioned, only me.

"Guys, we're having a movie night." Everyone brightened at Pein's words, excited until hearing the next part:

"Twilit picked out the movie. Stormbreaker?"

"Yes Stormbreaker! I read the books they PWNED!!" Twilit says excitedly.

Pein sighs and gathers the popcorn, candy, drinks, and of course, the movie.

Twilit runs into the living room, watching impatiently as the rest walk in. Deidara sits where he has a clear view of the screen but the others can't see him. He winks and motions Twilit over to him. She smirks and sits next to him.

Hidan and Rice sit on the couch next to Tobi, who was asking "Is it scary? Tobi doesn't like scary."

"No Tobi!! It's a spy movie!!" Twilit says excitedly.

"There's this one part when the woman named Nadia Vole had a fake blowfish stuck in her hand!! It looked bloody!" Twilit laughs, remembering the look on Vole's face.

Tobi hides behind a cushion.

Kakuzu grunted that he "had better stuff to do that watch a sugar-high idiot's movie pick."

…His loss.

Kisame and Itachi sat with Sasori, and Zetsu was on the other couch. Zetsu said he wanted to see blood or he's leaving. Light Zetsu told him to be quiet.

Pein and Konan were sitting on the loveseat. Pein was trying to work the DVD remote.

Rice was laughing as she taped Deidara and Twilit making out for blackmail (Rice loves her blackmail) because Twilit told Rice that they didn't want anyone to know they were dating, hoping that the other would chalk it up to them being partners in crime.

Finally the movie started. Pein raced through the opening credits, playing when Alex and Jack were told Ian had died.

Twilit sipped her soda and glanced up at Rice, who was absorbed in the movie but distracted by Hidan whispering things in her ear. Twilit saw the camera glimmering on her hand and reached up, grabbing it and tossing it into the corner of the room.

"That was your camera you know," Rice said, annoyed.

"…Shit," Twilit sighs. Kisame shushed them.

"Gay-ass shark-dude," Twilit mumbles. (Shushing really annoys her.)

Kisame merely crammed some more popcorn into his mouth.

---About an hour Later---

"OH MY GOD!! HE'S GONNA DIE!!" Sasori screamed, watching Alex Rider dangle from the chord.

"Shut up," Twilit sighed sleepily. She leaned against Deidara. Rice was asleep. Hidan looked down and rubbed his eyes, picked her up, and carried her to her and Twilit's room.

"But I wanna watch the movie…" everyone heard Rice say sleepily, staggering towards the door and falling. Hidan sighs and picks her up.

"Deidara… What time is it…" Twilit yawned.

"Half-past one, un," he whispers, absorbed in the movie.

Tobi had already given up and walked to his room to sleep. Only Pein, Konan, Twilit, Deidara, Kisame, Zetsu, and Itachi were left.

Well… Twilit fell asleep after a minute I said this ^^"…

Deidara grinned and picked her up, carrying her to her room and sprawling himself on her huge bed. Hidan was next to Rice on the floor.

---The Next Day---

"Morning Deidara and Hidan," Twilit and Rice yawned, unperturbed by seeing their boyfriends on the floor and bed, respectively. Rice and Twilit ran into the bathroom to change and brush their teeth. They walked out, fully dressed and without the gross morning breath.

Twilit suddenly grinned.

"This can be used to my advantage Rice…" she said with a sly smile, meaning she'll lie and say Hidan and Rice fucked each other. Rice smirked and turned to Hidan.

"You have the camera Hidan?" Hidan grinned and nodded.

"What's in that camera, un?" Deidara asked, suddenly scared.

Hidan smirked.

"One of you make-out sessions and you and her sleeping in the same bed," he leers.

Deidara and Twilit pale.

"Fine, I won't tell the Akatsuki this," Twilit says slowly, grudgingly.

Twilit and Deidara walked out of the room and Deidara turned to her.

"Don't worry Twilit-chan, un. I'll find a way to get it," Deidara promises with a grin. Twilit smiles and kisses him on the cheek.

"Thanks Deidara-kun."


	9. Music Videos and Hair Dye

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

As usual I don't own Rice the Akatsuki, Three Days Grace, Linkin Park, or hair dye.

"Don't worry Deidara, you'll go back to being blonde soon," Twilit assured the pink-haired man. Luckily, his hair was rapidly returning to normal, yellow already showing at his temples.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he sighs. "I will have my revenge though, un."

Twilit nodded and grabbed the keys to the black car.

"Where are you going, yeah?" Deidara calls to Twilit's back. She raises her hand to say bye.

"Somewhere, I'll be back soon," she says vaguely. She shrugs off her coat and pulls down her black T-shirt. Deidara sighs and walks into the living room to watch TV. He finds Hidan watching an R-rated movie. Rice was working on her laptop, the disc-player playing the album named after the band, Three Days Grace. He glares briefly at Rice- who doesn't notice- before turning to Hidan.

"Get out, I want to watch TV, hmm."

"You and what mother-fucking army Deidara?" Hidan demands, hiding the remote in his pocket.

"This army," he replies, opening his hand to reveal a clay bird.

Hidan snorts and rolls his eyes, turning away to watch the violence. Deidara places the bird next to Hidan, forming a hand sign and whispering, "Katsu."

The bird explodes and Deidara grins. Unfortunately…

"You bitch!! That was the side with the remote!" Hidan screams at Deidara. Deidara opens his eye wider and blinks.

"What?" Deidara asks in disbelief.

"YOU EXPLODED THE FUCKING REMOTE MOTHERFUCKER!!" Hidan screams at Deidara.

"Oh. I thought you said something different... Un," Deidara lies. He steps backward quickly.

"Wait, Deidara exploded the remote?" Rice asks. She heard Hidan screaming during a lull in "Burn".

"Uh… No?" Deidara lies quickly.

"Yes," Hidan corrects, glaring at Deidara.

"Um… BYE!!" Deidara says, ducking Hidan's scythe and running into Sasori's room.

"Danna, I need to watch some music video now. Let me please, yeah?"

"No," Sasori says, looking up from his magazine. He glances down and turns the page.

"You're not even using it un!!" Deidara says angrily.

"Yes, but I don't want you to use it."

Deidara sighs loudly and runs into Tobi's room.

_I _must _be desperate if I'm asking Tobi to use his TV, hmm, _Deidara thinks, kicking open Tobi's door.

Tobi was already watching the music video.

"Uh… Hi, senpai!" Tobi says quickly, pulling down his mask. He flicks off the TV.

"NO TOBI PUT IT ON!" Deidara yells desperately.

"Senpai likes Linkin Park?" Tobi asks, cocking his head.

"Not particularly, but Twilit told me to watch three videos," he says, grabbing the remote and sitting on Tobi's bed. He flicks on the TV.

(I'm just gonna write the lyrics for this one. Nothing happens much in the music video.)

_Are you lost, in your lies?_

_Do you tell yourself, I don't realize_

_Your crusade's a disguise_

_Replaced freedom with fear_

_You trade money for lives!_

_I'm aware of what you've done._

_NO! No more sorrow!_

_I've paid for your mistakes!_

_Your_

_Time is borrowed!_

_Your time has come to be,_

_Replaced!!!_

_I see pain_

_I see need_

_I see liars and thieves,_

_Abused power with greed!_

_I had hope._

_I believed! But_

_I'm beginning to think that I've been deceived!_

_You will pay for what you've DONE!_

_NO! No more sorrow!_

_I've paid for your mistakes!_

_Your_

_Time is borrowed!_

_Your time has come to be,_

_Replaced!!!_

_THEIVES AND HYPOCRITES!_

_THEIVES AND HYPOCRITES!_

_THEIVES AND HYPOCRITES!!_

_NO! No more sorrow!_

_I've paid for your mistakes!_

_Your_

_Time is borrowed!_

_Your time has come to be,_

_Replaced_

_No more sorrow!_

_I've paid for your mistakes! _

_Your time is borrowed_

_Your time has come to be replaced_

_Your time has come to be replaced_

_Your time has come to be ERASED!!_

Deidara and Tobi continue watching the next two videos:

In the End and One Step Closer (which pwn by the way, you should check them on YouTube.)

"…Wow, un. That was… Interesting."

Tobi shrugs and continues watching Breaking the Habit.

"…Wow Twilit. You actually did that to your hair," Sasori says blandly, walking alongside a teen girl with blue-black hair and bright-red highlights.

"Yes. Yes I did, Danna." Twilit says seriously. Then she cracks up.

"You should have seen Itachi's face when I walked through the door! He didn't know who I was!" she laughs.

Deidara pokes his head through the door.

"Twilit, I watched three Linkin P-" he stops short when he sees Twilit's new hair colors.

"I dyed my hair," she shrugs.

"That's why I asked Leader if I could take the day off, to go get my hair dyed. I hate going to the salon though," she says, wrinkling her nose. Deidara grins.

"Wow, un."

Please review and other crap! I'm going on vacation for three days so I won't update soon :(


	10. Okashii, Hair Dye and Disturbing Talks

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I don't own:

Rice (now 13 but still 3 feet tall)

The Akatsuki (who pwn all!!)

Mike Shinoda, James Hetfield, Adam Goniter, and Chester Bennington (Once again total pwn)

I only own me (FEAR MEH I HAD SUGAR!!)

"…Finally blonde!" Deidara said excitedly, catching his reflection. He'd avoided mirrors since Rice happened.

Rice glared at him, reminding him that her brown hair still kinda resembled whipped cream with cherry juice on it.

Twilit ignored them both, playing with Okashii.

Okashii mewed and batted the string she held. Twilit finally noticed it and started batting it herself.

Rice and Deidara glanced over and start cracking up at seeing Twilit and Okashii fight for control of the string.

"What?" Twilit glanced up at them.

"Deidara, I'm so sorry for you," Rice giggles.

"So I act like a kitty, what's wrong with that?"

"It's true, her avi's a neko and she does the kitty emoticon too," Rice says.

Deidara hides his grin behind his hand.

Itachi looked over at them.

"Idiots," he said as the kitty- no not Twilit- scratched Twilit's face and took the string in its mouth.

"Shut up Emoboy," Twilit retorted, pulling her hand away.

Rice stood up and grasped a katana in her hand.

She pounced on Itachi and started repeatedly stabbing his neck.

"Rice, must you always try to kill Itachi?" Pein sighs after he and Hidan pry Rice's fingers from the now-bloody blade and off of Itachi.

"Look what he did to my hair!" Rice shouts, pointing at her head.

Itachi was essentially comatose from blood loss.

"… Dye it then," Pein says eventually.

Rice sighs and stomps off to the store to bye hair dye.

"…It would have worn off in a few days. Think I should have told her?" Twilit muses.

"…Nah," Deidara says, looking for Animal I Have Become music videos.

"…You're a music video addict you know that? You have a problem."

"No I don't, you told me to watch those Linkin Park videos, un," Deidara retorts.

"…Shut up," Deidara murmured, watching Adam Gontier sing.

"You seem gay. Are you gay for Adam?" Twilit asks with a grin.

"I'm dating you aren't I, yeah?"

"Yes and you ARE gay for Adam you admitted it!!"

Deidara groans.

"Are you gay for Mike, James and Chester too?" Twilit persists, a huge grin on her face.

"Yes, I am, un," Deidara answer sarcastically, glaring at his girlfriend.

"OMFG YOU ARE GAY! Sasori told me you were but I didn't believe him!" Twilit screeches.

Deidara shakes his head.

"Damn impediment. I'm not fucking gay Twilit, hmm," Deidara says.

"I need a drink." Deidara visits the local bar while Twilit laughs her ass off. Hidan screams and Twilit goes to find out what happened.

"Hey I'm home, what did I miss?" Rice calls, slamming the door behind her.

"Me calling Deidara gay, him admitting it, and Okashii plunging her claws into Hidan's… Um… Manhood," Twilit reports.

"So you found the hair dye?"

"Yes, thank Jashin I did.

I'm going to use it try to kill Itachi."

"Don't you mean try not to kill Itachi?"

"Nah, feel free."

Please review and crap!!


	11. Education' and Drunkeness

**Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.**

**I don't own anything 'cept me… Too lazy to do the whole disclaimer XD**

"**Twilit."**

"**What?" Twilit snaps. She was busy fighting a friend of hers on Gaia.**

"…**Are you PMSing?" Deidara asks, moving a step back, distracted for a minute.**

"**No why?" Twilit asks, turning to look at the blonde.**

"**Well you bar- Oh never mind, un…" Deidara said cautiously.**

"**If you're trying to get me in bed it's not working, Deidara," Twilit says, not glancing at him.**

**Rice: O.O**

**Hidan- LHAO'ing (laughing his ass off).**

**Tobi- Tugging on Rice's sleeve and asking, "Is it naptime for Senpai and Twilit-san?"**

"**Uh… Yes it is, Tobi?" Rice says uncertainly, not sure of whether to tell him the truth.**

"**Not it's not," Hidan interjects.**

**He elbows Rice aside to look at Tobi.**

"**He's gonna fuck her, dumbass!" Hidan exclaims, ignoring Deidara's silence and Twilit's blush.**

"**What's 'fuck', Hidan-san?" Tobi asks innocently.**

**Hidan cracks up and Deidara intervenes.**

"**Not now, Tobi, un," he says severely.**

"**But senpai, Tobi wants to know what fuck means…"**

"**NO, UN. Hidan, not a word, yeah," Deidara warns, looking at Hidan. Hidan quickly shuts his mouth at Deidara's "Don't Fuck with Me" look.**

"**Damn, I'm bored," Twilit says, swiveling around to face them. "My opponent kept using clones in the fight like he always does…" she rolls her eyes.**

"…" **Rice had a pretty good guess of who she was fighting.**

"…" **It was silent in the room for a second.**

"…**OH I KNOW WHAT TO DO!" Twilit suddenly grins. She runs to her and Rice's room.**

"**What is she doing?" Rice asks Deidara.**

"**Dunno, un."**

**Someone walks out into the room. He has spiky black hair, gray eyes with deep shadows underneath, and he's wearing a white long-sleeved T-shirt and blue jeans. He holds a cup of coffee and a slice of cake.**

"**I COSPLAYED AS L!!" Twilit suddenly shouts, pouring sugar into her coffee.**

"**O.o"**

**That's the summary of everyone's face.**

"**What?"**

"**You're cross-dressing, un."**

"**No cosplay isn't cross-dressing and besides girls can wear L's outfit too!" Twilit protests.**

"**And men fucking cosplay as you, Deidara," Hidan adds with a smirk.**

"**I AM A DUDE UN! DO I NEED TO STRIP TO PROVE IT TO YOU?! HMM?!"**

"**Feel free," Twilit pipes up with a mischievous grin.**

**Deidara stares at her.**

"**What the fuck Twilit?"**

"**Angry Deidara's sexy…" she slurs.**

"**You're drunk. Fuck it, ITACHI GET IN HERE, UN!"**

"**What?" Itachi says quietly, glaring at Deidara.**

"**You slipped her alcohol?"**

"**No, Kakuzu slipped her some sake. She took some of his money," Itachi reports. Twilit giggles and glomps him.**

"**HI ITA-CHAN!!" she screams in his ear.**

**Itachi peels her off and hand her to Deidara.**

"**She's your responsibility now," he says tonelessly, drifting to his room to listen to emo music and paint his nails.**

**Deidara peers down at Twilit, who looked up at him innocently.**

**He smirks suddenly.**

"**Come on Twilit, let's go to your room," he grins.**

"**Okay Dei-kun!" Twilit says cheerfully, running to her room.**

**Hidan and Rice shakes their heads.**

"**This didn't happen," Rice says, following Hidan to his room.**

**The End, Please review and **_**remember to forget **_like good readers. SO I MUST BE A GREAT READER!!


	12. Chibis Part One

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

As usual, I don't own Rice, the Akatsuki, blah, blah, blah…

Hidan, Deidara, Twilit, and Rice were all on a mission to fight a ninja and find out the top-secret Jutsu that his village, Kiri, was trying out. Things weren't going so well. Twilit was hurt and Rice was trying to perform a Fire-style Jutsu.

The ninja found an opening and took careful aim at the two girls.

"DAMMIT! Get out of the fucking way!" Hidan screams at Twilit and Rice, noticing what's happening. He managed to shove Rice out of the way but missed Twilit. Twilit and Hidan were hit with the Jutsu and they fell off the tree branch they were on.

"Well we know the Jutsu now," Rice says, dropping to the forest floor. Deidara follows her lead.

"Where are they, un?" he asks frantically.

"Well Deidara, they weren't hit hard. They should be around somewhere…" Rice says, casting a Genjutsu so the Kiri ninja won't search for them. She made sure not to affect the others. They start searching the underbrush for the two nin.

"Rice… You may want to come here," Deidara says in strangled tones, brushing aside a few leaves.

Rice comes and looks over Deidara's shoulder.

"Oh holy fucking Jashin…" Rice whispers. There were two empty Akatsuki cloaks, Hidan's scythe and Twilit's katana, and one headband. Deidara lifted them up in shock, then gasped as two kids fell out from the cloaks.

One had slicked-back silver hair and violent eyes. He wore a small Jashin pendant, no shirt, black pants, and standard-issue blue ninja shoes. He looked about 3-and-a-half.

The other had long brown hair to her shoulder blades, a black net shirt with a black tee shirt underneath, a crescent moon pendant, long black pants, black glasses and blue eyes, and the same shoes the other kid wore. She seemed to be 3 years of age. Rice was sure this wasn't Twilit. Or Hidan.

Twilit had dyed her hair blue-black with red streaks, and Hidan wasn't swearing.

The two kids blinked as Deidara pointed a kunai at them.

"Who are you? Tell me. _Now_, un. Or I'll kill you." He glares coldly and threateningly at them.

The little girl sniffles.

"Why are you being so mean?" she asks.

The boy glares at the blonde.

"You're mean!" he declares. He gets up to his feet and points at Deidara.

"Jashin shall smite thee!" he declares, fingering his necklace.

"Hidan?" Rice whispers in disbelief.

The young girl looked at them.

"Aw! I forgot to have sugar today!" she whines. Deidara drops his kunai.

"Twilit?"

"What?" she says belligerently, glaring at the bomber.

"It's me. Deidara, un."

Twilit looks at him, her face lighting up.

"Dei-oniichan!" she cheers, hugging his leg. Rice repeats this with Hidan and earns the title Rice-niichan.

Deidara picks Twilit and her and Hidan's stuff up.

"We're not too far from the base, right?" he asks Rice. Rice nods and picks up Hidan.

--About 15 Minutes Later--

"Leader can we come in, yeah?" Deidara asks, knocking on the door. Pein opens said door.

"What up with the brats?" he asks irately. Deidara shifts uncomfortably.

"Um, sir, these kids are Twilit and Hidan."

"Yeah right and I'm a god… OH WAIT I _AM_ A GOD! Fine I'll listen."

Rice and Deidara explain everything to Pein.

"So the new Jutsu… Turns ninjas into… Chibis," Pein sighs.

"It'll be useful on the members of the Gokage (A/N- All the Kage's are on the Gokage.)," Rice offers.

Pein nods. "But how are we going to get these two back to normal?"

"Twilit was normal?" Rice mutters under her breath.

"I think we have to look out for them until they get back to normal. And… We don't know when that's going to be, un."

"Just kill them then, they may spill our secrets," Pein suggests. Deidara gasps. "But look at them! Why would you want to kill _that_?!" he says, gesturing to the chibis. Hidan was looking out the window at a birdie and smiling. Twilit was asleep.

Pein glares at Deidara. "Because I can."

Deidara glowers at Leader and grabs Twilit, who woke up and rubbed her eyes. She yawned as she walked out of the room. Hidan tried to keep staring at the birdie while he walked out.

"Okay, what are we gonna do with these two?" Rice asks Deidara.

"…I really don't know, un."

Sasori heard them and walked up.

"What, did you captu-" he stopped when he saw the chibis.

"Why are Hidan and Twilit chibis?"

"Um… Because of a ninja we were fighting," Rice says. Twilit looks up at Sasori and hides behind Deidara's cloak when he glares at her.

"Dei-oniichan, that man scares me…" she says. Deidara scowls at Sasori.

"Danna, don't scare Twilit-chan, yeah," he says, picking her up and hugging her.

Twilit smiled at Deidara and Hidan went over and tugged on Rice's cloak.

"Yeah, Hidan?"

"Rice-niichan, I'm hungry."

"So am I!" Twilit chimes in, hopping down from Deidara's arms.

Deidara and Rice sigh and head for the kitchen.

Yeah I decided this idea should be a 2 or 3 part thingy. Please review, and I don't give a shit about flames!


	13. Chibis Part Two

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

Chibi chapter!!!!! Once again, I don't own the Akatsuki or Rice. Apparently, my third nickname is Twi, and I blame my friend on Gaia for that. ON WITH THE CHAPTER!!!

_Previously…_

"_Danna, don't scare Twilit-chan, yeah," he says, picking her up and hugging her._

_Twilit smiled at Deidara and Hidan went over and tugged on Rice cloak._

"_Yeah, Hidan?" _

"_Rice-niichan, I'm hungry."_

"_So am I!" Twilit chimes in, hopping down from Deidara's arms._

_Deidara and Rice sigh and head towards the kitchen._

"What do you want to eat?" Rice asks the two chibis. Twilit spies a box in the cupboard.

"I want pocky!!" Twilit laughs, getting down and trying to reach for the box.

She was about four feet too short.

Deidara was about to grab the pocky for her, but Rice shot him one of her famous "GLARES OF THE ULTIMATE DEATH AND DOOM" looks.

He backs down and turns to the chibi.

"Twilit, pocky's a sweet. It's not a meal. You can have it afterwards, un," he says firmly. Twilit shrugs and nods, shooting Deidara a smile.

"Okay Dei-oniichan!!" she says, lifting her arms up for a hug. Deidara grins and hugs her.

"She's much more manageable as a chibi, and calmer too, un. They both are. Besides even Hidan's not swearing!" Deidara exclaims, gesturing towards the silver-haired chibi.

He had managed to drag a chair towards the cabinet and was standing on it, trying to get a packet of ramen.

"Oh! Ramen!! Rice-niichan, can we have ramen?" Hidan asked.

"Twilit, will you eat it, un?" Deidara asks. Twilit grins and nods.

Rice grabs the ramen and grabs Hidan too.

"Okay but just don't stand on chairs again alright?" Rice sighs, making the ramen.

"Otay Rice-niichan!" Hidan agrees cheerfully. Meanwhile, Twilit decided to do the complete _opposite_ of what Rice wanted. She stood on a chair… Trying to get the pocky for after dinner.

Hidan sat on the table, waiting for Rice to make the ramen. He spied Twilit on the chair and did an evil yet still kawaii (A/N- Kawaii is Japanese for cute) chibi smirk, walking over and shaking the chair to make Twilit lose her balance.

Twilit starts trying to regain her balance while the second chibi laughs.

"Holy shi-" Deidara yells, trying to grab Twilit. He misses her by an inch and she falls, hitting her head.

"You're mean!" Twilit yells, pointing a finger at Hidan and crying. Hidan laughs until Rice stands before him with an extremely pissed look on her face.

"Hidan why did you do what you just did?" Rice asks through her teeth as Deidara picks up the other chibi and goes to get a band-aid for the cut on her head.

"Uh… Jashin commanded it?" he says. Rice sighs.

"Just don't hurt Twilit alright?"

"Otay!" Hidan says again, thinking, _I'm hungry. After dinner I'll sacrifice that idiot. _(A/N- He's talking about Twilit not Rice so don't worry Rice.)

"Yay ramen!" a small, certain hyperactive chibi yells, running into the kitchen. Deidara trails behind her, making sure she doesn't trip.

"You're worse than a mother," Rice comments, looking at him.

"Well at least I have mothering instincts-" Deidara starts, stopping as a bowl of ramen is placed in front of the four of them courtesy of Rice. Rice sits down and starts pouring salt into her ramen. Deidara doesn't comment, wishing to keep his arms.

Hidan and Twilit scarf down their ramen, wanting to get to the pocky.

"It took you four minutes to eat that?" Deidara wonders. "Wow." Rice says briefly, finishing hers.

"So… What do we do now, hmm?" Deidara asks, dividing the pocky into four piles and eating his. Twilit grabs hers and starts nibbling on it kawaii-ish-ly. Hidan glares at Twilit and grabs his, Rice takes hers and eats it quickly with a little salt on it.

He glances briefly at the chibis, grabbing Twilit.

"You got a lot of ramen broth on you," he tells the brown-haired chibi.

"I did?" she asks innocently, trying to get down from his arms.

"So did Hidan," Rice reports, grabbing the silver-haired chibi.

Deidara sighs, tightening his grip on the chibi.

"Come on Twilit, we need to get you cleaned up," he says. Twilit hops down and walks beside him.

"Kayz Dei-oniichan!" Hidan plots his vengeance while being lead by Rice to another bathroom.

Yes this is going to be a two or three parter. Deal with it.


	14. Chibis Part Three

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

Yes this is the last chibi chap since the chibi chaps suck.

"Argh- Hold still- Twilit, un-" Deidara grunts, trying to keep the chibi still for more than six seconds.

Pocky makes her hyper.

"But Dei-oniichan, I wanna go play with Hidan and Rice-niichan," she whines, trying to scramble down from the chair in Deidara's room.

"You can play with them after I finish brushing your hair," Deidara says. Then he thinks: _Wow. That sounded gay._

"Wow. That sounded gay," Rice comments, coming in with Hidan, who was dressed in PJ's. It was about 9:00 at night.

"Oh, sure, so the kid you're looking after's ready to go to sleep," Deidara says, rolling his one visible eye.

"Yep," Rice says simply, watching as Twilit finally held still.

Deidara follows the three others to Hidan's room to hang out.

"Bedtime story please nii-chan?" Hidan asks. Deidara and Twilit leave to grab some apple juice and popcorn because, apparently, even Deidara loves a good bedtime story.

"Sure." Rice moves to the bookshelf as Deidara and Twilit come back, Twilit clutching a coveted sippy-cup. Her goal: Try to spill the juice. Apple, in this case.

Rice selects a picture book from Hidan's bookcase to read him a bedtime story."Jashinism for Idiots?" Rice asks, reading the titles. Or "Jashinist Fairytales? What is this Hidan?""My books," Chibi Hidan answers. "I want fairytales tonight Rice-niichan!!"Rice sighs and looked at chibi Twilit."Why won't it spill?!" Twilit says angrily, trying to spill her apple , if only she knew sippy-cups were so hard to spill."Let me," Deidara volunteers, taking the cup from the 3-year-old. His forehead furrows as he tries to twist the cap off."Allow me," Rice finally sighs after laughing. She takes it from Deidara and easily screws off the top."Thanks, un," he says, handing the cup to Twilit, who giggles and spills it on the rug."About that... Blonde moment, huh Deidara?"

Deidara looks confused.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean, yeah?" he asks, offended.

"Nothing, I'm just insinuating that you're too stupid to take the cap off a sippy cup." Rice says, turning back to read Hidan a bedtime story.

"Why you little bi-"

Deidara starts, interrupted by Sasori arriving with a message.

"Deidara, Alex-" (Sasori is the only one who calls Alex by her real name… Or rather, real nickname.)

"Leader wants to see you."

"Ooh, you're in trouble!" the two chibis cackle. The grin angelically as their two caretakers glare at them.

Hidan waits until they're out of view to turn and glare at the other chibi.

"Do you know where my scythe is?" he asks abruptly.

"What's a 'syte'?" Twilit asks innocently. Obviously, at the tender age of three, she doesn't know much about weaponry. Probably when she's four she'll know.

"Never mind, you bitch," he says, pushing her aside and rummaging through the closet. He grunts in satisfaction as he finds his scythe, clutching it tightly and wobbling slightly as he advances on the chibi.

"You made Rice-niichan yell at me!" he says angrily.

Well, at least we all know his ulterior motive now ^^"

Twilit still looks confused.

"You started it, you made me fall!" she protests. She points at her head, where the Band-Aid is still pasted on.

Hidan rolls his eyes and tries to swing his scythe into the side of her body.

Instead, Sasori steps in front of the scythe, the blades sinking into his wooden leg.

He glares at Hidan and yanks it out.

"Come with me," he commands, turning and walking away. Twilit runs up to him, making sure to be a few feet away from a certain murderous, swearing, silver-haired chibi.

Itachi waits in Leader's office, near Deidara and Rice, who aren't thrilled to have him near them. He glares at Rice. Rice and Deidara hold Hidan and Twilit's cloaks.

"I got them. And may I add, Hidan was trying to sacrifice Twilit," Sasori says, looking at Deidara and Hidan.

Itachi steps forward and closes his eyes, motioning for the rest to follow his lead.

The chibis just stand in the middle of the rug as Itachi performs a Jutsu. Deidara steps forward and wraps Twilit's cloak over her now-grown body. Rice does the same to Hidan and notices Deidara looking at Twilit seductively, who was returning his looks.

"Well, that cloak won't stay on for long," Rice mutters.

"Shut up Chibi!"


	15. Schedules

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

As usual don't own Naruto… The Akatsuki… Rice… And stuff. Like the Doom Song. And Gaia. And any bands. Or comics.

The list is written by the characters, kind of, so it's their POV.

-A NORMAL DAY FOR THE AKATSUKI-

Twilit:

_Somewhere between 5 and 12_- Wake up, eat sugar.

_5 Minutes Later_- Annoy the shit out of everyone to get up with Tobi.

_At Breakfast_- Constantly say that Hidan fucked Rice, ask Rice if Itachi or Hidan knocked her up, whine about missions and argue about art.

_Getting Ready for Mission_- Stab Itachi if he annoyed Rice, annoy Rice, argue with Sasori, spend a few minutes doing things with Deidara.

_On Mission_- Argue with partners, stab random villagers, kill people, eat sugar.

_On the Way back to the Base_- Get yelled at by Sasori for stabbing and killing 'unnecessarily'. Try to break Sasori. Get defended by Deidara. Scream at Sasori and sing the Doom Song.

_Mission Report_- Space out, go on the laptop, go on Gaia.

_On Gaia_- Annoy friends, earn Gold for pwnful stuff, change avi, write in journal.

_At Dinner_- Hit Itachi with peas, potatoes, i.e. all vegetables, occasionally butter. Argue with Kisame. Ask if Rice is going to be on the top or bottom.

_After Dinner_- Get ready for bed, go on Gaia a bit more, log off, annoy Rice, Hidan, and The Emo Weasel. Play with Okashii. Do Adobe Photoshop's, write, draw, sharpen weapons.

_Nighttime_- Go to bed and think of how I'm gonna annoy everyone tomorrow.

Rice:

_Time to Wake Up_- Get annoyed by Tobi or wake up to screaming in my ear courtesy of Twilit.

_2 Minutes Later_- Ask Twilit how much sugar she had and yell "OH SHIT!" at the reply.

_At Breakfast_- Eat like a NORMAL PERSON unlike my roommate who's try to stab my boyfriend with sporks and… Are those cornflakes?

_One Minute Later_- Pull Twilit off of Hidan and command Deidara to 'Control his woman'.

_Seven Minutes Later_- Clean up and Heal Hidan's Twilit-cornflake-and-spork produced wounds.

_Playtime_- Watch a movie with Tobi and Hidan, watch Twilit, Deidara, and Sasori argue about art. Listen to Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, and whatever I have on the CD player and MP3.

_Mission_- Try to shut up Hidan and Kakuzu's arguing. Hit Kakuzu and threaten to burn his money.

_Back to Base_- Heal Hidan and discourage Kakuzu from getting a new bounty.

_Mission Report_- Kakuzu and I give the report while Hidan tries to lure me out of the office. Threaten to stab his penis.

_Next_- Spend time with Hidan.

_After That_- Go on Gaia, get annoyed by Twilit, listen to 'Breaking the Habit' Chipmunk version XD

_Dinner_- Glare at Blindy, talk with Hidan, Tobi, Twilit, Konan, the two artists… Basically anyone except Blindy. Laugh as Blindy is pelted with vegetables and butter, courtesy of Twilit.

_After Dinner_- Get insulted by Blindy and attack.

_3 Minutes Later_- Get separated from my sword, forced to stop killing Itachi, lectured by Pein.

_Nighttime_- Play with Okashii and Twilit, go to bed. Tell Twilit to shut up about LP and its members and about frogs and Gaia. And 3DG. And Metallica. And tell Twilit to shut up about the innuendoes. Remind her that sometimes what she says I do she does.

Go to sleep despite all odds and threaten to take Twilit's sugar. Sigh happily when Twilit shuts up.

Itachi:

No comment.

(…If you don't do this I'm stabbing you.)

…Hn.

(I'll take that as an 'I'll do it'.)

_Morning_- Get woken up by one of the two idiots.

_Breakfast_- Glare at Shrimp. Try to ignore arguing and idiots trying to stab each other with sporks and ignore Twilit-baka's innuendos.

_Getting Ready for Mission_- Ignore the chaos caused by Idiot 1 (Twilit). Glare at Shrimp.

_Mission_- Ignore Kisame and get it done.

_Way Back_- Ignore Kisame again, this time about his nagging not to use my Sharingan.

_Report_- Let Kisame give the report with 'Hn's serving as yeses or noes.

_Computer_- Glare at Shrimp. Look up some… Ah… Pictures of um… Friends.

_TV_- Soap operas! Yayz! BTW, remember to glare at Shrimp.

_Dinner_- Get bombarded by peas, butter, etc., from Idiot 1. Ignore everyone, eventually threaten to use Sharingan on Idiot 1. Ignore Idiot 2 (Tobi). Glare at Shrimp.

_After Dinner_- Go to my room and paint my nails. Purple maybe, or black…

_Nighttime_- Go to bed. Hn.

Hidan:

_Morning_: Have the shit annoyed out of me by one of the two fuckfaces, Twilit or Tobi.

_Breakfast_- Talk to Rice, ignore Kakuzu shouting at Kisame, talk weapons and blood with Twilit. Try to convert the two new people to Jashinism.

_Free Time_- Watch R-rated movie and M-rated shows.

Do things with Rice.

_Mission_- Do sacrifices, argue with Kakuzu, swear, tell Kakuzu not to get another motherfucking bounty.

_Mission Report_- Complain and try to lure Rice from the room. Get threatened with grave harm to my penis.

_After That_- Apologize and spend time with Rice.

_Amusement_- Hand a sugar-high Twilit a very sharp knife and let her loose. Prime targets seem to be Itachi and Tobi.

_Dinner_- Same a breakfast but join Twilit in throwing things. Substitute food for pointy objects.

Nighttime- Spend time with Rice, ignore Twilit's innuendos, tell abovementioned fuckface to shut up.

_Bed_- Do a sacrifice, pray, and go to bed. Plan next sacrifices.

Deidara:

_Morning_- Get awakened by Twilit, un. If I'm not lucky, it's Tobi. If it's Tobi, attack with Kibaku Nendo, yeah.

_A Minute Later_- Learn of mission from Danna. Go to tell Twilit.

_Breakfast_- Ignore arguing and chaos unless it's about art. Then join in, un.

_During Breakfast_- Get commanded by Rice to 'Control my woman', who was stabbing Hidan with various knives and cereals.

_Free Time_- Watch movies, get ready for mission, make art, hmm.

_Mission_- Make giant clay birdy and explode things!!!

_Back to Base_- Step in when Sasori yells at Twilit. Ignore

Twilit singing the Doom Song, un.

_Mission Report_- Tell Leader about the mission.

_After_- Make and explode things with Twilit, un.

_Dinner_- Eat dinner and laugh at Itachi getting hit with vegetables and the occasional knife XD

_After Dinner_- Argue with Sasori no Danna, make art, play video games, read art magazines.

_Nighttime_- Get ready for bed, say goodnight to Danna, think of ideas for new sculptures.

KISAME:

_Morning_- Wake up because of either Twilit or Tobi.

_Breakfast_- Get yelled at Kakuzu. I swear if he doesn't stop yelling at me I'm gonna go JAWS on his ass!! Talk to the Akatsuki. Get called Sushi by most of the members. And especially Twilit.

_After_- Clean up with Itachi, get ready for mission.

_Mission_- Try to talk to Itachi, but the replies are on 'Hn'. Oh well. Get Itachi to preserve his eyesight by stopping the Sharingan.

_Report_- Give the report while Itachi Hn's as negatives and affirmatives.

_After_- Catch Itachi looking at pics of… zOMG NUDE PICTURES OF ME AND HIS LITTLE BROTHER!!

_After being Traumatized_- Rock in fetal position in corner, usually with my beloved fishy Caren :3

_Dinner_- Get yelled at Kakuzu again T_T Try to stop people from throwing crap at Itachi.

_Entertainment_- Talk to Caren and feed her :D

Sing 'Under the Sea' XP

_Bed_- Tuck Caren into her bed, turn off the light, and go dream of fishies :3

KAKUZU-

_Throughout the Day_: Get annoyed by Hidan, yell at Kisame, try to get money, get yelled at Rice and Hidan for trying to get another bounty.

(…Is that all?)

Yes.

(Holy shit Kakuzu.)

TOBI:

_Sunshiny Day Starts_!: Help Twilit-chan wake up the others!!

_Time for Food_!: Sit next to Senpai and talk to him!

_Owies _T_T- Get hit by Deidara senpai :(

_After Getting Hit_- Play with Kisame-sama, Senpai, and Chibi-Senpai! Yayz!

_Mission_- Try to help whoever I'm on the mission with, probably Zetsu-san :3

_Home Sweet Home_- Help give the mission report and get patted on the head by Zetsu-san (^))

_Playtime_!!- Play with Kisame-sama, Chibi-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Zetsu-san, and Twilit-chan! …Then usually get hit by someone.

_After_- Try not to let Madara-san get the best of me, argue with him.

_Dinner_- Watch the chaos by those fools- I mean, my friends! Yes, my friends! Tobi is a good boy *shifty eyes*

_After Dinner_- Let Madara listen to Linkin Park, but I get to listen to the Spongebob Soundtrack (^))

_Bed_- Go to bed and try to ignore Madara.

ZETSU:

_Morning_- Get woken up by Twilit or Tobi. **Those fools.**

_Breakfast_- Eat a steak. **Bloody steak. :3**

_Plants_- **Threaten anyone who comes near the plants. **Or we could just nicely ask them to not touch the plants.

_Gardening_- Garden with Twilit and Tobi. **Who amazingly don't kill the plants.**

Poisons and Antidotes- Help Sasori get the plants he needs for poisons and antidotes for his puppets.

_Mission_- Do some spy work. **Send Tobi on ridiculous errands so he doesn't jeopardize the mission.**

_Return and Report_- **Try to ignore Tobi's jabbering. **Give the report and pat Tobi on the head.

_Free Time_- Tend to my garden again, go to Vegas for a snack. **Because what happens in Vegas… **_Stays in Vegas._

Dinner- Ignore the chaos.

_Night_- Go out to check my plants one more time. **Paranoid much, light Zetsu?**

_Bed_- Go to sleep.

KONAN:

_Morning Everyone_- Get woken up by someone, usually Twilit or Tobi.

_Breakfast_- Try to ignore the incoming headache due to yelling and occasional screams and explosions.

_Free Time_- Practice my origami skills and practice my Jutsu, train.

_**A/N- SPOILER HERE, IF YOU HAVEN'T READ UP TO WHERE PEIN'S ACTUAL IDENTITIY IS REVEALED, SKIP THIS PART.**_

_Work_- Look after Nagato and help Pein and the other Paths of Pain. Make sure Nagato doesn't get worse than he already is.

_**A/N- Spoiler over.**_

_Mission_- Check on Amegakure, and if needed, find intruders.

_Reporting Back_- Report back to Pein.

_Dinner_- Ignore Itachi being hit by various foodstuffs.

_After_- Talk to Rice and Twilit.

_Bed_- Try to sleep and succeed after all the others STFU.

SASORI:

_Morning_- Get woken up by Twilit or Tobi. Threaten them with poison.

Breakfast- Try to eat while everyone else screams.

_Before Mission_- Have the brat tell me about the mission, prepare my weaponry.

_Mission_- Try to get the job done QUIETLY, unlike the brat and his brat, who are yell, screaming, and exploding things. *sigh*

_After Mission_- Yell at Twilit or stabbing and killing unnecessarily. Try not to kill her, and ignore her when Deidara takes her side and she starts singing the Doom Song. Dodge her attacks when she tries to break me apart.

Report- Try to give the report.

Free Time- Work on my puppets and listen to Metallica.

Next- Argue with the brat and Brat 2 (Twilit) about art.

After- Ignore everyone yelling and practice.

Dinner- Ignore everyone.

Night- Get ready for bed.

Bed- Try to sleep.

PEIN:

TRY TO RULE THE FRICKING DISNEY WORLD PEOPLE!

…Okay, who wrote this?

Everyone- *looks at Twilit, who's whistling Through the Fire and Flames*

Twilit- …What?

Pein- Did you write this. *shows Twilit the list*

Twilit- Um… No?

Pein and Rice- *glare*

Pein- May I set this straight. I don't want to rule the DISNEY World I want to rule THE world.

Twilit- Explain the Mickey Mouse stuffed in your closet.

Pein- _ …

That's the end! Please review, and I'm sorry I haven't been updating. High school.


	16. Bets and French Maid Outfits

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

I think you know this but I don't own the Akatsuki, Dunkin' Donuts, L, Dark (Link), or Rice, I only own the insanity that is MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"_DEAL_!" The familiar words rang out once again as Twilit and both halves of Zetsu shook hands to solidify it.

"Oh fuck what now?" Rice groans to Hidan.

"Something about Twilit staying up for 4 fucking days straight using only 18 sugar packets and a bottle of Mountain Dew."

"YES!" Twilit screams hyperly, running to stand beside the chibi and the chibi's fuck buddy.

"AND IF ZETSU LOSES HE HASTA WEAR A PINK FRENCH MAID'S OUTFIT AND POST IT ON GAIA~!" the sugar high kunoichi sings.

"Yeah but if you lose don't you have to do that too?"

"…YES BUT I DON'T PLAN ON LOSING!" Twilit shouts with a grin.

She runs off to grab her supplies from unsuspecting Dunkin' Donuts and convenience stores, pausing to snag more film for her camera.

-BET START! DAY ONE!-

"Alright. You both know the bet, the agreement, the conditions, and what the loser has to do?" Sasori asks impatiently. He agreed to referee the bet, since he can go without sleep. Both the planty nin and the sugar high nin nodded once.

"Okay. Start this idiotic bet," Sasori sighs.

Luckily, Twilit was already sugar high from that morning's breakfast. She was just running around on the ceiling- A regular occurrence since she and Chibi joined- talking to L and Dark, who weren't there, so it's more than fair to classify her as clinically insane- and sitting down briefly to rest or do Adobe Photoshop's.

This was her first mistake.

-Day One-And-A-Half (About 10 PM)-

"Chibi I'm tired…" she complains to her friend, who was pwning Hidan at video games.

"Too bad." Rice says briefly, eyes fixed on the screen.

"Here," Deidara says, tossing her a cup of Mountain Dew with a packet of sugar mixed into it. Twilit's eyes light up and she quickly drinks the soda-sugar-concoction.

"That's better~" she says, running around again and hanging upside down from the ceiling. She was dressed in a vampire costume and saying that she was 'A VAMPIRE! MEOW~'

"Twilit, vampires don't meow," Rice sweatdrops.

"Oh. Can I try again?!" she asked with a grin.

"No," Kakuzu says briefly, tuning out all the rest of Twilit's whining.

"Sure, un," Deidara sighs.

"I'M A VAMPIRE! QUACK~"

Everyone sweatdrops.

"Wrong again," Hidan informs her.

"Fine what do vampires say?!" Twilit says impatiently.

"Don't they say shit about bloodsucking?" the Jashinist supplies.

"NO THAT'S DRACULA!" Twilit says, jumping down and lightly hitting him.

"Bitch please!"

She grabs another cup of sugar and two packets of sugar.

-Day Two-

"THE SUGAR AND SODA'S ALL GONE?!"

"Yes, brat two, your regular schedule of sugar consumption led to take it all."

"…"

"Did you understand any part of that."

"Not in the least, Sasori," Twilit says cheerfully.

Both Rice and Zetsu wonder how long it'll take for her to pass out, dead sugar-high drunk.

-Day Three, on the Cusp of Day Four-

"Deidara… I'm tired…" Twilit slurs, exhausted.

"Hang on, hmm; it's just five minutes until you win," Deidara encourages.

"Yeah whatever…" Twilit says, keeling over, dead asleep.

"_**HA! WE WIN!**_" both halves of Zetsu crow triumphantly.

Deidara shakes his head and grabs Twilit, dumping her in the bed while Zetsu and Sasori smirk and grab the outfit.

"Blackmail," Rice smirks, fingering her camera.

-Bet Lost-

"Wait did I win?!" Twilit shouts, sitting bolt upright in the middle of a dream.

"No, un. Zetsu won."

"DAMN! But I don't wanna wear a dress, certain people will tease me…" Twilit whines. Deidara rolls his eye.

"But you have to honor a bet," Deidara smirks. "And I wouldn't miss you in a kinky outfit for the world, yeah."

"…Deidara, did I ever tell you that you're more perverted than someone I know?"

"Shut up, and come on," Deidara grins.

-About 5 Minutes Later-

"Ugh, I feel like such a slut," Twilit whines, straightening the French maid headband and trying unsuccessfully to pull down the dress, which only came down to the top of her thighs. She scowled and thought about tearing it all off and wiping off the makeup Konan forced on her.

"No, don't tear it off," Deidara says lazily.

"**Now hold still**," Zetsu smirks, snapping off a picture and scanning it. He quickly posted it on her profile page.

The result, lots of comments from a certain person on how sluttish she looked. (XD Rice can guess who I'm talking about :P)

OKAYZ! Please review, flames will be used to help the Akatsuki dominate the known ninja world~


	17. Cook vs Dunham

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

As usual I don't own Naruto and the Akatsuki, Rice, Jeff Dunham, or DANE COOK THE KING OF COMEDY PWN! …Oh Jashin, I sound like Rice. Inspired by fighting with a friend of mine who says Jeff Dunham's better than Dane Cook (he's wrong!)

"Now he gets serious, like he's gonna _school_ me. 'Oh, I can tell you young man. I can tell you. When I pass on-'"

"The fuck?" Hidan asks in response to the above statement, and Deidara, Twilit, and Rice's laughing.

Rice pauses the video at Hidan's voice, then turns to look at the albino Jashinist.

"Dane Cook."

"Who?"

Twilit spins around and glares at the Jashin worshipper. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO DANE COOK IS?! OHMIGOD!!"

"JASHIN BITCH!"

"YES YOU ARE!"

An awkward silence follows this outburst. Deidara coughs.

"Um, yeah, un."

Hidan grabs a chair and slings himself onto it while Twilit tries to hit him for the ultimate crime of not knowing Dane Cook.

"You've never heard The Atheist."

"No."

"My Son Optimus Prime?" Rice tried.

"No," Hidan said impatiently.

"OH! How about B & E, Hopped up on the Q, Not so Kool-Aid Man…" Twilit drones on and on about Dane Cook's comedy skits.

"I SAID NO!" Hidan yells.

"You didn't say it, you yelled it," Rice chirps.

"She's got a point," Twilit grins. Hidan was quickly going mad from this.

"Whatever, I say Jeff Dunham's better," he snaps.

Twilit, Deidara, Tobi, and Rice gasp.

"DANE COOK PWNS!" two maniac kunoichi scream.

"No, Jeff Dunham's better!"

"Dane Cook!"

"Jeff Dunham!"

"DANE COOK!"

"JEFF DUNHAM!""COOK!""DUNHAM!"

"TEH PWN OF DANE COOK!" Rice yells in Hidan's face.

Hidan backs off quickly, really disturbed by Rice's…. Rice-ness.

Twilit smirks, Rice laughs, and Deidara's got the old tried-and-true O_\/ face.

"Have you heard Jeff Dunham."

"Have you heard Dane Cook, un," Deidara retorts with a sneer.

"DON'T YOU SNEER AT ME GIRLY!"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME GIRLY, RELIGIOUS FUCKTARD, HMM!"

"THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS!"

"BAD COWBOY IMPERSONATION!"

"MEOW~!" Twilit yells, distracting everyone.

Rice cracks up while Deidara and Hidan just stare at her.

"What… The… Fuck," they say simultaneously.

Twilit giggles as Pein comes in to see the cause of the fighting and swearing.

"What now?"

"Oh, we're arguing over Dane Cook."

"Who?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO DANE COOK IS?! OHMIGOD!"

…And so the cycle begins again… (Dun dun dun!)

Please review!


	18. Saga of the Flaming Turtle of Pwn

Rice. Twilit. Akatsuki.

Alright, I don't own the Akatsuki, Naruto, Kingdom Hearts, the Organization XIII, or the Fremere's Guard (Flaming Turtle of Destiny) item from Gaia.

"Twilit, WHAT are you so excited about?" Rice asks the hyper kunoichi. Deidara, Hidan, and Demyx look on in amusement.

_Maybe she's excited over the Organization visiting? _Rice thinks. She soon dismisses that though with _Nah. It's probably…_

"AH FOUND A TURTLE!" Twilit yells in excitement. _Of course a turtle._ Rice thinks. Deidara starts laughing, Hidan facepalms, and Demyx jumps up.

"TURTLE! WHERE!" the dirty blonde with a mullet says, grinning. Twilit motions for Rice and Demyx to follow her, then runs outside to the garden, running through the grounds and jumping over the bushes in her sugar high excitement. A turtle is sitting in the flower patch Marluxia planted, while said pink-haired man yells at it and tries to swat it.

"NO NOT THE TURTLE!" Twilit and Demyx yell at the same time. Demyx runs forward and hits Marluxia while Twilit grabs the turtle. Zexion, Sasori, and Axel walk by. Zexion performs the all-important facepalm, Sasori, likewise. Axel just stares at everyone with a "WTF?" look on his face.

"What's with the turtle?" Sasori finally asks.

"It's Twilit's and I's pet," Demyx explains.

"Nine, I's is not a word."

"NEITHER IS ZEXION!" Demyx says.

"It's a name, thus a word." Zexion counters smoothly.

"…Damn."

"CAN WE GET BACK ON TRACK?" Twilit asks loudly.

"Remind me never to get you sugar again," Axel says, looking at her.

Rice facepalms. "We told you NOT to give her sugar, and this is what happens."

Axel looks at the turtle once more instead of looking at Rice, and promptly sets it on fire.

"NO! TURTLE!" Rice, Twilit, and Demyx yell.

"Why isn't it dead yet?!" Marly and Axel ask.

(A/N- Certain Org 13 members have nicknames, for future reference, Marluxia- Marly, Demyx- Demy, Zexion- Zexy, Luxord- Luxy, Lexaeus- Lexy, blah blah blah. There's lots of names but too lazy to list 'em.)

Rice thinks. "Oh my God."

"WHAT!" everyone there yells. Except Zexion. Cuz Zexy's emo.

"It's the sacred… FLAMING TURTLE OF PWN!" Rice says.

"YAY!" Demyx and Twilit yell. Everyone except those two and Rice facepalm.

Twilit goes to Lexaeus. "Lexy, can you use your rocks to make a pedestal for a god?"

Lexy gives her a confused look, but nods and creates the pedestal without a word. (A/N- There's a reason he's called the Silent Hero…)

Rice climbs up to the pedestal, wearing fire-and-heat-proof gloves, and perches the FTOP (Flaming Turtle of Pwn) on the top. Lexy stares at it.

"I made a pedestal… For a turtle… That's on fire," he says disbelievingly.

"Yes, that was the god I was talking about," Twilit says with a grin.

Lexy shakes his head while Axel hangs his head due to the weight of his Pure Failure to Kill A Turtle.

Demyx starts playing a song he just made, Ode to a Flaming Godly Turtle, on his sitar while the turtles just keeps munching lettuce and flowers.

And so, The Saga Of the Flaming Turtle of Pwn began…


End file.
